Huz Journal
Just recently did I make a challenge to myself to not write down anything in my journal about any guy that I liked. After 2011, I put an ax on the boy topics in my journal because all I would do is re-read in sheer embarrassment that I was creating a cycle whenever I talked about a guy, how I read into things and was astonished that I even got to the 3 month mark of grabbing their attention. So in the last 2 years, I have had no romantic interests. Even when I was in Italy I was well aware that I had stated I was not interested in any guy in Orlando. Even if and when a likely interest popped up into the picture, I refused to write about them or their actions.
Now I'm in this mode of re-reading my huz journal because while I don't think he will read the thing in it's entirety, it will be present for him to get into my mind and how I react to certain things. What it felt like waiting for him. I remember bringing my journal along with me one day to a recording I was doing for church and the pastor (a socially awkward sort of person) decided he was going to thumb through my journal as it was sitting on the couch. I let him browse, and he asked what it was and I said it's my husband journal. He goes, "I doubt your future husband will have the time to want to read this." And I responded with a, "well that is definitely your opinion in which you're inclined to have, but it's a cathartic process for me to write out the things that I'm praying for over his life before I have met him." There was a newly engaged couple standing in the room and the girl kind of stared blankly at me, as did her fiancee. I thought to myself that they have each other to confide in consistently about struggles and joys and prayers. I am practically going off of an imagination.
I think it will be interesting if I end up meeting someone who listens to people for a career and then they get this book of mine that has taken 3 years to write in and actually take the time to read through it. I just look at it as a book of personal vows to this man. The guy God has for me that I have yet to meet, or have met already but don't even know it.
Comments
Post a Comment