A Little Test: Future Self {Part 1}

What I was thinking........

If there was a way to meet my future self, sit down at a coffee shop {not drinking coffee, but smelling how good it smells} and drinking tea, I would ask future self many obtrusive questions.

This is how I imagine it would look like and sound like;

{Future self sitting in the front by the window because she no longer dislikes being huddled in the back of places like a hermit, listening to music while reading a book, likely the Bible and taking notes. FS looking somewhat fashionable but not too obsessed in appearance}

I must say, I look quite becoming in my older age. I'd say about 10 years from now, she seems to be comfortable in her own shoes and someone I could see myself hanging out with. A slight glimmer is on her left hand, nothing too big, and nothing too fancy (FS must've really gotten a gem of a guy, she followed through in keeping her sensibilty with the wedding ring). I pat myself on the back. Finally sitting down with future self, I'm greeted with a warm smile and a sense that she's got a strong foundation of God in her life, she's sincere, considerate, and still shows compassion for people.

Future Self doesn't dive right into her life, but asks me of mine. I tell her that God is doing many great things in my life right now, I have absolutely NO IDEA what is going on anymore. I am used to categorizing what and where everything should go in my life, but for once I'm understanding what it's like to completely surrender ones self to God. I told FS I learned what saying/praying Lord means; means you're a slave to the master, but it isn't intended to be a bad definition. Its actually freeing. That might be hard for people to swallow, but FS grasps what I mean, I continue to tell her of how I have no finances, no consistent job, job opportunities opening, but having nothing to do with my heart. Things opening up in church, but feeling more like I'm getting reigned in like a customer looking for a car on a vast car lot and all the salesmen coming up antagonizing me telling me what I have to buy, when I had a good idea of what I needed to buy.

Future self can already tell I have a slight weight of discomfort in holding back information about relationships, but she waits to tell me anything. I tell fs that I have not been in a relationship and am waiting patiently still. Patience comes in waves for me, some days I'm more strong than other days. Reading the word, and inspirational books hold me over. Prayer and speaking to God sustains me.

Finally fs tells me that all the waiting is worth it, that my heart is in the right place, that consistently pursuing God's heart is exactly what He wants of me. She knows I've heard it before many times, but that I am in a new season of growth and change, that God wouldn't be putting me through all of this preparation if He did not intend for something to grow from it.

I sighed, knowing that I've heard this many times, and smiled because I believed it, I just didn't like hearing it.

I'm told that all this analyzing doesn't go away, but its not nearly as time consuming as it once was. You make a decision and you go with it; after much prayer and godly council, analyzing just seems like a small and slight forethought.

What a relief.

I will come back to Future Self and ask what she's been doing.