Favorable Hands

I should have hugged him more.
Maybe hugged him tighter to let him know I'd miss him instead of pulling away.
Written and re-written his goodbye letter to make it feel like it was just a 'see you later' note.
Taken the time to be more vulnerable.
After all I had nothing to lose.

Why did I diminish his honest feelings with childish pranks?
I hurt a little more knowing I hurt such a sincere soul.
I placed my actual feelings in a box, tucked it away, and blazed through yours.

Deep in my heart I don't know if I'll see him later.
If I'll see his smiling eyes or the twinkle that comes with it when he laughs and the wrinkles crinkle around his eyes.
I don't know if the distance will really separate my heart from him.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say.
Those who say it must have met a heart like mine.
Lumps well up in my throat when I think about many missed opportunities.

The time he offered me his hand for help and I deferred it to be a strong soul.
The time I made a dig about men, and saw his slight disapproval.

The tighter he hugged me the more I became attached.
I've never had to detach myself so much in order to protect myself from liking him more than I could handle.
Him moving changes everything.
Sending waves of emotions of my already beating heart.
Carrying my thoughts with him. Strings attached to that one short month.
Feeling as if I've known him for a lifetime.

How is that possible?
The intricacies of the heart are a knotted mess. They will never know your thoughts enough to make sense.
I can never oblige my heart for its shortcomings, but I can contend for it's romanticism.

When he whispered in my ear, I didn't want to let him go.
I sank my head further in his chest to hear his heart beat.
I didn't even care if I saw his face and how it looked.
A drunken face would have diminished that moment, but a sober face sealed the truest of emotions.

I'm strong enough to see him off. To put the thoughts behind me, but I still want to know if he meant what he said. I want to be folded back into his embrace again. His chin resting on my head. His sincere eyes smiling at me to make sure I would come.
A kindred soul is what he is and will always be.

He may find someone else that is that for him what he was for me in a short month and I hope to meet the person that is him for me, more permanently.


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