Single Waiting

I walked to the end of my terminal happy to have spent the time in a beautiful and magical city and with wonderful people. I was boarding my plane with a heavy heart that I was leaving something I wanted to be by my side the whole flight back home. A hot stream of water began to fill in my eyes, blurring my vision as I blinked to force them down my face. Why was I crying? I didn't even cry when I was leaving Italy... I had a mixture of heart pangs and being overwhelmed by gracious hosts. The hospitality I had experienced was something that made me feel warm and invited. I cried because I was leaving two cities that were destined to be called home in another year or so. I cried because my heart had attached itself. It had been warmed by the friendly dispositions of the city and had fallen for the character it possessed. The heart is a tricky thing when it wants to be. It can thrive on emotions, it can thrive on insecurities and hopes and words. It is a powerful well of strength when...

Alright my fellow friends and readers, this is one for the books. A story about a girl going to a city to fall in love with the opportunities. And did she. She fell in love so hard that her heart and head were undeniably made up.  She prepped for an adventure to see the side of the Continental U.S. That she had only ever read in books and seen on TV. Sure her fascination started on the likes of California first because she was smitten with the movie stars. Later on in life her perception changed of any true love for California, and she later often thought of those majestic mountains and deep emerald green forest placing itself on her heart. The northwest had somehow become a place of peace in her mind; an unintentional spot for home and deep roots.  Girl grew into a wanderluster, a fernweh enthusiast; always looking for her next big adventure even if in her backyard.  Her back yard, for 17 years, had consisted of a flat land in the south. Far from those rolling hills that...

"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start." Words noted famously by Charles Bukowsi and also a handful of other people that have this mindset as the pinnacle of their lives. Traveling feels a lot like that quote. Today I am going on a solo adventure and there will be opportunities I might be a little afraid of because I will be by myself, but I would be more upset having not tried something different and new just because of fear.  Take last night for instance, I participated in eating green peppers. It's not a new thing, I've had it in food before, but not a dominant member of my food. And guess what, it wasn't half bad. I liked the texture of it with my food. Try getting me to eat red ones and you're just pushing it; but at least I tried and liked it. So there you have it. Short and sweet. To adventure is to take a risk.

I hope the dreary snow storms are treating you as right as rain and you're getting good source of vitamin d to your system.  I am now on my next pit stop in the great north west of Seattle. I am leaving Portland with a jubilant heart, wood-fired market fresh pizza in my belly, a sweet family of four that have been at the helm of my adventures, and feeling like I tasted Portland in just a small way that my interest will forever be peaked. I've drawn the conclusion (very early on) that I am going to move here. The sweet Wu family went above and beyond as hosts, and their sweet kids were a great addition to me seeing everything with excitement. I'm leaving Portland  as their newest foodie, an annual weirdo, a baby gear disassembler, and a rookie transit rider. Yes, Portland your vast green foliage has captured my imagination as well as my heart; all the winding roads were worth the end result of being on top of a fog drizzled mountain overlooking the slightly dulled, but color...

One post of many this week. I have made the decision to not bring my computer on this trip with me. The only thing I'll have on me are my computers and my phone. I will document my thoughts as they come, but will be out and about exploring.  It's times like this I am glad of modern explorations. Definitely no Columbus, but it feels so exhilarating to hop on a large plane, fly across North America in the span of a day and be in unique airports in America. I am finding that having the life of a traveller is my adrenaline rush! I walked through the first section of pat downs and tiresome winding lines, and my heart beat out of my chest as if I were looking at my crush for the first time. I calmed myself so I could make my way through the line without forgetting things.  Some people prefer skydiving and I prefer hopping on a plane and enjoying the occasional flight turbulence;  I told you, it's my adrenaline, knowing you could drop from the sky at any moment, but having sheer...

Around this time last year, I was on a plane, heading to Italy for what was one life altering experience in my late 20s. Tomorrow I will be experiencing what I believe to be the second shift in this journey of my late 20s. I had a purpose, I was renewed in spirit and God propelled things further than I could have imagined.  Now again I have that familiar growing pit in my stomach. Not to worry, it's all for good reasoning, and it's not a negative pit. It's a little like feeling hopeful of things to come: liking someone, but not knowing the outcome but still feeling really hopeful of the future to come. I have tried stepping on that wavering water as much as humanly possible and at times have looked down and started sinking, but God's hand came for me. His hand came for my heart; my hope; my hand. So I yank myself up again through the wavering thoughts and walk again.  This trip feels like my key to something I have waited for. I don't know how to explain it without ...

The soft sound of his voice lulled her to sleep. The strong operatic tones crackled from the speakers and it kept her awake. While she day dreamed of the day that was had, she could feel herself holding back a smile. The warmth of the sea sand, the whispers of the waves, the crunching sand beneath their toes. It was all a memory she couldn't forget. It was a day shared amongst friends, but he was all she saw. All that was in her memory. His strong stride, and protective barrier beside her. As she imagined herself back under the last days of the rushed summer sun, she couldn't help but feel its finality. Seeing him in the end of the summer days only made her want to make the most of it. She sat and watched the kids on the beach as the sun blistered their skin, running around with no inhibitions of life except for in that moment. She felt like the innocence of a child is something that she desired in the authenticity of communicating as an adult. The innocence of tho...

I thought I saw you when I was talking to you. Face to face. On the couch talking about life's passions. I thought I saw you when we both laughed uncontrollably about our childhood. Side by side. On the couch talking about life's passions. I thought I saw you when you waved; Hello. And goodbye. I didn't see you for who you were until I was supposed to. My veil was lifted and I saw you with more clarity. Now the moment is gone and I still see you. Still I see you in my mind. Still reliving moments. Conversations. Hugs. The seasons have come and gone and you're slowly fading. I see you, but in a distance. I say hi and bye, but I let you go.

I haven't taken to well with all these "single articles for friends" postings all over the interwebs. I know I'm single, I don't need a reminder from dating (out of the womb), engaged, or married people telling me of things they wish they knew when they were single-but-now-feel-it-necessary-to-pass-their-sage-advice-to-all-their-single-friends postings. I am not saying this to be mean or nasty, and that's not a precursor for me to say something mean or nasty, but we get it.  If any of my dating, engaged, or married friends would take a moment to realize that while my story and journey isn't completely unique because there are in fact other women out there like me, then I don't really need to hear the same dying monologue of the "when you least expect  it's". I know. I know it'll happen when it happens. I know that I have been on this little single journey for longer than most people have been married my age, combined with their dating...

Truth be told, I have a small tendency of falling in like with a variant of things. Sometimes becoming quite obsessive until I can get at the very thing that keeps dropping on my forehead like drops of consistent and incessant water. I understand this magnitude of honesty is probably slightly off-kilter, strange, or perhaps awkward... Can you tell I'm learning not to care? I think that for me, to love or like something passionately is just an extension of what God has created in me. I love people. I really do, but sometimes to the detriment of my well being. That includes but is not often, smothering them when I feel like they will leave. I love looking at cars; from specific makes and models, to the year and the body style. I like that I awkwardly studied and drew car insignias in my journals when I was little. That I quiz myself (even now, as an adult) to guess the model of a car at night based on just the shape of their headlights or tail lights. I don't know why it intrigue...

The baby boom hits, and it hits hard! The air (by air, I mean Facebook) is flooded by birth announcements, surprise birth announcements, surprise gender reveals, surprise number of babies, everything is on a fast spiral of notifications as well as invitations to baby showers and newborn photos. At one time, these were some of the most cherished moments you could think of, alongside weddings, and first steps. Now I feel as if Facbook has encouraged this type of imposition when it comes to special moments. My news feed daily looks a lot like this: baby, marriage, engagement, baby, baby, baby, it's a boy, it's twins, baby, engagement, ring, ring, ring, wedding, wedding, engagement, baby update, baby sleep, baby, walking, teething, baby, birthday, wedding, engagement, babyyyyyyyyyyy..... Okay, clearly by now I've learned how to segregate my news feeds so that I'm not feeling overwhelmed by all this glorious and wonderful news, but the truth is, when I think about wher...

Pondering the ponderable. I am making plans on moving to Portland next year, perhaps in the summer, or maybe at the end of next year. All I know is that I have desired for quite some time to visit the Northwest. I planned on going there in 2008 with a friend. We planned the trip, bought our tickets, looked up bed and breakfasts, and rental car prices. Places to eat for cheap, places to go hiking, biking, whatever... and then it didn't happen. I was still in school. Working on my B.F.A in Interior Design and this trip would have been my distraction. Probably the distraction that would have kept me from wanting to go back to school. I knew that I wanted to go there because it seemed like the right fit. Some times you just know. When a country or city captures the essence of who you are. The cities/countries that undoubtedly have my heart are England, Italy, Nashville, Boston, and Portland. I think when I was little I wanted to go to California because of the celebrities and I was...

"No" gets a bad rap. Rightly so. When infants first learn the word, it's usually to test their parents patience levels of what they don't want to eat, or don't want to do, or wear. Let's not go there child. Then when you are looking for some social acceptance, you find yourself saying "yes" to any and everything. Things you hate, things that tire you out, things that frustrate you. Yes, yes, yes; is all that seems to come out of people's mouths. We say yes to busy, and no to rest. All the time we say yes to keeping ourselves busy that we don't know what rest looks like. Pushing past things when our body is telling us to stop. My NO-vember, was just that. A month in challenging myself to say NO. To decide that I don't have to go everywhere, or be everywhere. I could do more things on my own without always thinking that it needs to be with a group of people. Although I wrote this post back in October of last year, I can still recall ...