Single Waiting

Preparing for family . I love babies. I have thought about having a family of my own, but have never had one of those " my clock is ticking everytime I hold a baby " moments. Kids make me happy, they bring a wonderful outlook on life that I think sometimes I take for granted. It really is the little things. For whatever reason, in conversation with guy friends I do not openly admit my love for kids and wanting my own some day because there is always this weird stigma attached to women that do that. Kudos to them for SAYING what they want. I don't know why I fear saying certain things. Maybe I don't fear it as much as I'm blowing it out of proportion, but I do often times cautiously approach the conversations even though I shouldn't have to. It's something I want in my future. Many a friends are having babies, I'm changing diapers, rocking them to sleep, and giving them their food. In my single brain, babies=$$$$. I love them, but in no way ...

Preparing for marriage is the thing that stands out the most. I would love to have a well paying job. Not only to provide for myself, but to make sure that my loans are taken care of without relying so heavily on joining in a partnership. I have talked to a few of my girl friends that honestly believe that the debts they have should be paid off by their future husbands. What's mine is yours baby! Hmmmm........ I haven't found peace in that mindset. Even if I can pay off 50-80% of my student loans right now I'd be elated. If not, then I will be working my butt off so that isn't a major factor in our marriage. Finances are one of the things in life that stress most people out. Not having money and being on your own is one thing, not having money and having to provide for someone else is another. Not having money and having a family is out of this world. Thankfully marriage is based on many decisions that you are talking over with the per...

Preparing for love is being able to relinquish certain parts of your heart that you've held hostage for the person you want to be with. This person you share more with, you are so raw and real with them, that it scares you more if they will even stay with you knowing all that you've told them. Same goes for them, preparing yourself to be willing to take what they say to you in trust and honesty. I think its probably like a euphoric feeling, unexplainable elation in meeting someone who trusts you enough to share those things with you and also that you can handle their baggage and they can handle yours. Truth be told, I don't think there is much else you can really prepare for in love except trying to be unconditional in loving the person. Until then, I'm loving the ones I'm with, appreciating them for they are, and who they are becoming. That's the good thing about love- it doesn't just stop with the one that you want to be with for...

Listening to a podcast earlier in the week about how as a single person, I need & should be preparing myself for the likes of marriage. The title is for dating, love, marriage, family. These are things I think of probably 80% of the time. Usually not all day, and usually in tiny increments of me watching a movie or tv show, or out exercising. If you haven't gathered, even slightly, I tend to make lists. Sometime I succeed at finishing them, other times I get distracted and toss it out. My list anyways, not set in stone, just something to help me keep somewhat focused. Preparing for dating is not really in most people's minds at all, considering they've been on dates, dated, or have boyfriends. I have to look at in terms of how to make myself better for the person I am dating. Let's discuss; If I don't want to date a judgmental guy, I have to work on not being judgmental. If I want him to be wise with his finances and spending, I need to be wise with my financ...

I've been waiting for this. Another relationship has started up and its posted to Facebook. I actually had a dream about these two specific people dating each other, but told neither one of them. Its not that I don't want to see them happy, I just don't feel like being in the same vicinity of their happiness right now. What's next? Pout, scream and complain? Nope. Move on. I prayed for God to do something, He did. My prayer was answered. The relationship status made itself known on my news feed and my heart went into throat. Its still lodged there. Kind of like choking in someone else's cigarette smoke and never being able to clear it from your system until you walk away from the culprit. I hid the news feed, on all days, on his birthday. Happy Birthday to him! Happy Birthday to me, it only came 3 months later. All I have to say is, alright God, what next? Bring it! captivated Heart

Papier Mache XOXO I can't decide on whether this is sweet and adorable or strangely too adult-like for children models? Cinematography is beautiful, but I'm trying to not have an unsettling feeling in my stomach about the kids.

Waiting & Relationship I am going to attempt to bring you something different every other day dealing with little things that go on in my mished moshed head. I love my brain and how intricate it can get, and with ampersands. For me, these two go hand and hand. When I feel more alert, I'll do a better one for you's guys. :)

{Hope & Faith} Hand in hand. Although I can't see the thing that I want in front of my face, I know that in time things will eventually fall into place. I am learning to enjoy what I have now, where I am now, and to be JOYFUL in this time. I may not be happy all the time, but I can be joyful . Let me tell you, being joyful is a lot harder than being happy .

I guess you want to hear the story of how I defeated parts of my fear........... That saying, "when you love someone, you let them go", well I won't say that I loved the friend in that way, I have a strong sense of respect and like for him. I appreciate his honesty, even if and when he frustrates me at times. Yesterday was probably the first time he's really bothered me by what he said, and it's not because I didn't agree with it, its because he talked about something openly that I feel is more personal. That's all besides the point, the reason I conquered the fear is because I prayed for some courage. I openly and honestly talked to the girl that I believed he had liked over the summer. The two of us met up at Barnies for a chit chat, and had a good conversation. After pushing aside the nerves, I finally asked her what was going on between her and fellow friend. She explained to me her feelings for him, and I got out what I needed to say. I was and am in ...

Part Tres my lovelies. Three quotes I've heard in the last week that make me giggle a little, but are actually pretty true to my life right now. {My Best Friend's Wedding} George commenting to Julianne chasing Michael chasing Kimmy Geroge: "Michael's chasing Kimmy?" Jules: "Yes!" Geroge: "You're chasing Michael?" Jules: "Yes!" George: "Who's chasing you? Nobody......get it?! There's your answer. It's Kimmy!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oiy! The sad realization that you aren't being pursued, but being the pursuer. That should be eye opening, no? Oui. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- {House} House talking to Dr. Hadley (Olivia Wilde's character) about coming to see him: Hadley: You need to stop calling me House House: Now why would you c...

For once in a very long time I listened to myself. I also listened to God and no one else's opinion. I am going to be doing something tomorrow that would not ever seem out of the ordinary for who I was. I have been listening to too many people for the last year in regards to relationships with guys. Guidance is one thing, opinions are another, and advice is a whole other story. If I'm not careful all three things that are intended to help me, become a detriment to God's clear voice and whether or not I can hear Him through the noise. For most of my middle school and high school life, I was a very opinionated girl when it came to TRUE love. I sat back as friends dated one another, every month, and with each others friends. I was grossed out to say the least. My excitement for any couple usually was with the upperclassmen because I saw more stability in a 6 month- 1 year relationship with them over my own classmates who dated someone in our class or lower grade for a couple o...

How can you not believe in love ? I didn't say that. How can you not believe in true love? I didn't say that either. I question what the phrase " the One " has played in my life. After much consideration, reading, and observing the saying " the One ", I have slowly and begrudgingly put myself in the category of the girl that dreams with her head in the clouds of meeting Mr. Perfect, for me . He comes with no problems, no baggage, no scary past, no disapproving family, etc. I wasn't naive, I just prayed for someone who has overcome brokenness and their past. Alas, with a past comes some baggage , some hurt , not being fully healed , or having something being bandaged over a huge wound . I have my baggage, and I still struggle with opening up that baggage because sometimes I think it may be too much for someone to handle. If I am not giving them a chance to help me in growth, I'm essentially telling them I don't trust them. And trust me, I trust...

Before you get hissy about my title, hear me out first . My week has been filled with some confusion and then some c l a r i t y , and then confusion again!!!! But with prayer, some guidance, advice, and council, I have tried to put my best foot forward and NOT over analyze the situation. In my head I never fantisized about meeting a prince of any kind, a knight in shining armor (which I used to call night and shining armor when I was little). Okay, maybe I thought ' my Wesley would come for me ' , but that was the only fictional one...... I mean c'mon, Cary Elwes {hubba hubba} I don't think I even considered the f a n c i e s t of them all, MR. RIGHT . Nope, the guys I've liked have been Mr. Right Now's. That's just me being an honest girl. I have had crushes on many guys, but had never dated any of them. What's that you say? Never dated ?! GASPPPPP !!! How have you functioned? I will tell you my secret that's not really a secret, but it did kee...

What I was thinking........ If there was a way to meet my future self, sit down at a coffee shop {not drinking coffee, but smelling how good it smells} and drinking tea, I would ask future self many obtrusive questions. This is how I imagine it would look like and sound like; {Future self sitting in the front by the window because she no longer dislikes being huddled in the back of places like a hermit, listening to music while reading a book, likely the Bible and taking notes. FS looking somewhat fashionable but not too obsessed in appearance} I must say, I look quite becoming in my older age. I'd say about 10 years from now, she seems to be comfortable in her own shoes and someone I could see myself hanging out with. A slight glimmer is on her left hand, nothing too big, and nothing too fancy (FS must've really gotten a gem of a guy, she followed through in keeping her sensibilty with the wedding ring). I pat myself on the back. Finally sitting down with future self, ...

It's been 4 months! Can you believe it?!?! So many amazing things have been happening since I last left a message. One thing is I am going to try much harder to post at least once a week. And by that, I mean keeping it real, and up to date with my current status and trying to make it as relateable as possible. Um, lemme just start off by saying Spotify has entered my life. Wonderful SPOTIFY!!!! I just sang that in the tune of several different tunes of FREE MUSIC! I have been on that bad boy non stop. Sharing music and listening to friends playlist! Wonderful. I will not catch you up on that after 4 months of not talking about anything. In the month of July the biggest thing that happened was my birthday and spending it with some friends playing laser tag. In the month of August I was finishing up doing some freelance work with a magazine called Relevant. http://www.relevantmagazine.com/ Then in September it was a big time of growth and learning. A lot of distancing and separation...