Hearing the Whole Story

I've been helping out (when I can) with a small group that is held every Wednesday called Alpha Course. It's basically an open forum to talk to groups of people who are interested in learning more about God, and walking in faith, and just understanding what a relationship with God looks like.
Anyways, the table I sit at is full of the helpers of the course. We are the ones who help clean up and prepare the tables for the students coming for lessons, and we kind of sit back and discuss the same things, but we are typically more laid back and we have discussions that probably stray a bit more than the guided tables.

Well there is a couple at my table, they've been married for 3 years and seeing them together, they seem like they might have had at least 10 years under their belt. You know the couples you meet that are so in tune with one another that they could speak for the other, but have enough restraint to not do so. Well this couple was telling us how they initially met and how neither of them had any ideas of the other person being it for them. They saw the potential of a great person and got along, but when they met at a friends housewarming party I think the connection was there for them. Now I did come into this conversation in the middle of their story, but never the matter, they both seemed to have started off on the same page.

The husband, John, mentioned that he wouldn't have believed his friends if they would have said he'd meet his wife in 2008. He wasn't even looking for it. And same with Becky.  She did however have the challenge of not planning everything out after a few of their dates. Her friend told her that there was nothing wrong with not planning, not knowing what to do and just kind of going with it. Becky said that after relinquishing that control of wanting to plan it all out actually relieved her, allowing her to just be free in what the two of them would be.

For me, and maybe most women, that is hard to do when there is something so inviting staring you in the face and you're trying to curb all of your inhibitions to being more docile. And being docile is probably the perfect word of describing handing over control. Being docile means you are ready and willing to be taught. Isn't that reassuring to know that you don't actually have to have a game plan when things are going the way that they are supposed to?

I have gone through this struggle often to give up ownership of my heart. And by that I mean not being completely selfish all the time of reserving my heart to bitterness and coldness when things don't pan out the way that I wanted them to. I always want to have an open heart no matter what I go through. And when I have kids, I don't want them to be afraid of having an open heart. An open heart gives you more room to love and less room to harbor hate. Hate is a dark, dark place on ones soul.

So now, I think my heart will be in a better state. Not trying to plan my story out to be like a romance movie because that is a detriment in and of itself. I think people who give you the cliche phrases of, "you'll know when you know" may be a little right. I have struggled often trying to sort that out in my head and making sure that it's not some cutesy one liner that people say just as a pleasantry. And maybe they've always just been a bit bigger than me to realize that just because you know when you know, doesn't mean you jump the gun and freak out and over plan and scare the person away. I know I have had a tendency of seeing myself with many types of guys because of how well we've clicked and then... BOOM... finished. Excitement's over. I've scared them off. Probably. Lesson repeats and I learn my lesson again.
This time, something seems different. Maybe it's because I'm learning when to speak, to keep my mouth closed, to learn that talking to everyone is never a good idea. Letting it be something special and not made up. That's where I am currently. Really just enjoying the peace and quiet of my own mind for once.
 Don't know what that sounds like? Sounds a little like a strong ocean being lulled by jagged rocks, but then further inside those jagged rocks is a peaceful little cove where only the foam of the ocean waves meet with the rocks, and they whisper to each other pleasantries all day until the night sky meets the ocean to blanket it into a restful sleep. Yup, that's what it looks like right now. So relaxing.


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