I Feel My Strongest When...//Random Ramblings

A moment in my life has come and gone.
A moment that has made me stronger.
Letting something go that isn't yours.
I'm no stranger to the act, I've done in many times
and it's never gotten any easier.

Each time a lump is lodged in my throat, stifling my breathing.
Hot tears swell up in my eyes before having a chance to escape for freedom.

I deleted all of his messages, our messages from my phone.
As I hit 'delete all', my mouth dried and I was hesitant of erasing memories.
The lump still in my throat. The tears beginning to heat.
"All messages have been deleted."
Enough. Enough now. Was all I could think to mimic from
Love Actually.

I rolled my windows down.
The temperatures were in the 30s and all I cared about was letting him go.
Having some control of letting it go.
The chilly wind coming inside my car whipped across my cheeks.
My knuckles gripped the steering wheel tighter and my
jaw clinched tighter.

I turned the music on as loud as I could at a 3AM drive back home.
Feeling as free as I could be without being reckless.
Letting the cold air break up the lump in my throat and singe the tears from my eyes,
I finally released my emotions left of him.

That's when I feel my strongest.
When I feel like I can't bare the cold anymore.
When my teeth feel like they're going to turn into powder.
I can't control the cold of the air, anymore than I can control someone else's feelings for me.
I can control how I handle it. 
I can control my perspective on what God promises me daily.
I am promised that I will get through all of this.
Even if it feels like it's a long drive with the windows down.


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