I Fear I Must Admit... {Random Ramblings} Thursday

I have come to the apparent conclusion that I am a girl that comes on soft and strong at the same time. I voice my opinion casually without frightening a guy from talking to me, and continuing to talk to me. If I scared them away from holding a conversation, then I know I've come on too strong.

Here's the thing, this is the kind of girl I am. I am not afraid to say what I am thinking, but I hold my tongue to say it at the appropriate time. If my advice is not asked, I do not give it. I wear my heart on my sleeve covered with a sheer lace sleeve. It's there to be seen, but not there to be grabbed quickly. So don't get frisky.

I sometimes develop a hesitation on liking guys for the fact that I don't think I am what they want. I know that I can satisfy their needs for wanting attention, or encouragement, but other than that, I don't and can't give. (None of this is referring to things of sexual nature).

I am a siren for guys wanting a good laugh. Promise you, they can hardly steer away the ship when I am cracking jokes left and right. Do I get them to crash? No, but it's nice to have a voice that they don't mind listening to or running into jagged rocks up ahead to get away from.

I truly open up to people when I feel like they are wanting the same reciprocal type of relationship. If not, then it comes down to being a waste of time. I am okay with casual friendships, I just like to know up front, so I'm not the one exerting the most energy into something that is deemed as a surface level friendship. (If you know me, you know that I am severely intentional and loyal. Sometimes to my own detriment.)

I used to pursue a guy after realizing he showed interest in me, which then in turn, turned him around the corner and out of site and into the friendship zone. (Note to girls, really don't pursue...). Now if he hasn't said any affirming words of being interested in me, then I don't put myself completely out there. I don't close down wholly, but I do guard myself a little more.

I used to act like being into sports was me faking who I was to try to show a guy I was interested in the same things. When in reality, I love sports and I am not faking it, and have nothing to be ashamed about when I do happen to know a random fact or two about how many times and to which teams Cliff Lee was traded to and from.

I have learned not to boast about the qualities I think are hard to find in most other women, but embrace the fact that I am so happy to one day, be able to share my unlikable and likable qualities with a man that loves me for me.

I will also be glad that when that guy comes along, my best foot forward will be all of these things that I have listed. They make me who I am. I am awkward, I am lovable, I am poised, I have manners where needed, and sometimes throw those manners out the window. I am not cut out to be a trophy wife, but I have and will carry the dignity and self-respect of a woman who will not place her validity on that of faults and flaws.

I hereby state that when that guy comes along I will have my best foot forward. I will be me.

Ladies, do not apologize for who you are. You are beautiful. Fix the things that you want to fix, i.e.,: if you have a bad attitude about life–fix it. Guys don't want to be around someone negative all the time. These are things to work on as a single individual. Don't sell yourself short,  but don't always put so much stock in how a man ought to change for you. You ought to want to change and give him the best you that you can give, no smokes and mirrors. Be rid of the facade that you have put on yourself or that others have given you.