Places I Will Go

I submitted as well as I could and called my parents. I hadn't even talked to them in weeks because I didn't even know where to begin in how I felt in the first place. I was mentally exhausted and physically exhausted from the lack of sleep.

My dad called and I talked up a mean game for as long as I could, and it didn't last long before I broke down in tears sobbing about how exhausted I was. I seriously didn't know how good it felt to just cry. I got the other side of the phone asking me to come home and take a break. I had wound up years of frustration and exhaustion and keeping it together, and trying not to let anyone down, build up to the high heavens that I stopped taking care of me. Really and truly taking care of me. It was hard to recognize that. Much like liking a guy who is NO good for you and staying with him despite what everyone else around you notices of the guy that you still do not. Except my disregard of saying no, had finally caught up with me, and I didn't like what it was doing to me. It was taking a toll on my heart, and my relationship with people. Not to mention completely abandoning God and what He wanted for me.

*side note: fasting is coming and I thirst for it!*

So after having an angry sister because my lack of communication I told her I was going home to sort MY life out. The life that I willingly share with everyone, that now I want to be more reserved. I felt bad because I didn't know how to express how I was feeling to my own sister, one of my closest friends. But I didn't have words. Only tears.

Then my mom calls to tell me that my dad is in the hospital with some fluid that had gotten in his lungs and some issues that came from that. I couldn't even handle myself. I sat on the couch as my sister was leaving to go to school and she knew I was in bad sorts from all the stuff I was trying to deal with prior to hearing the news and I JUST. LOST. IT. I sobbed uncontrollably on the couch while my sister tried consoling me telling me to get out of the house, that dad would be okay, that dad is okay. I knew dad would be okay. I knew he was okay. It's just a little thought that passes through your mind thinking about either of your parents not being on this Earth with you and they have a huge influence in making you to be the person you are now. The thought of feeling like a little child in that moment and seeing that my daddy was not invincible, that he was prone to weakening by kryptonite.

In the strangest of ways, getting let go twice from two jobs and getting turned down from several jobs panned out well. I was able to be free to come home and just be with my parents. My sister was right, and my faith in who God says He is in moments like that rang true, my dad was okay, and he is okay. He is now on a mission more than ever to complete his journey in this life seizing every opportunity and dream God places in front of him and going towards it 100%.

I made the drive home already having a lot more rest and in my heart knowing I would be with my parents. I am glad for the relationship I have with them, because they are the friends that I want in my life all the time. The friends that I strive to be to my friends.

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