Future Self {Part 2}
I did a test last year, wondering what it'd be like talking to my future self. What would she be up to, what would her life look like. I decided I wanted to continue it, and for hypothetical reasons, I wanted to make a great story, but also wanted to write it in the way that would be true to looking past my ideal lifestyle and being happy with being content in His ideal for me.
Future self and I left off in a coffee shop, she hadn't asked me any questions about relationships, but I willingly offered up the information because that's what was on my heart the most. She sipped on her tea and explained things to me in a logical way about how not to stress out about certain life instances. I tried not to retalliate with myself knowing that it was going to be a constant losing battle. She was right, and deep down I knew I'd be stressing myself out trying to figure out things before anything happened.
Why did she/I have to be right! I hated admitting to this. I hated seeing that being persistent in following after God's heart was my only way. I shouldn't have felt that way because in that, brings ultimate satisfaction in being content. Anything I could offer myself would only cause much pain and distress later.
So future self, I ask, what's new? I'm sure you have a lot going for you.... What things are different in your life that I can look forward to?
A smile curls up on the corner of her lip, the moment that happens, a butterfly swirls about in my stomach. Its been indicated by the flurries that something good is about to be said. She told me that she met someone 7 years ago. She glowed telling me he pursued her like no other. She was initially interested in him, but then her feelings drifted away and she carried on with her life not thinking much of it. She had recognized that she was not going to treat this situation like she had with so many other interests she had in the past. She was not going to pursue him, she was not going to cower away and allow another girl to dictate how she should feel about herself, not even let his lack of interest in her dictate who she was in Christ. She pressed forward in her story and felt compelled to tell me that at first, the start was rough, it didn't come together like she thought relationships would. Like her relationship would. She thought things would start off with this passionate and honest friendship that quickly developed into something more. It didn't. She admitted to wanting to know the end of her story so much so that she rushed the beginning process and then stepping back realizing her story was never going to be like everyone else's.
She placed everything in God's hands. Something she had never done before with her relationships. She had always wanted control of that in her life. Successfully, she began to pursue the importance of her father's love for her. She began praying for any and everything that was laid on her heart. Friends seeking employment, she prayed for steadfastily. Friends looking for roommates, needing more rest, growing in relationships, becoming new mothers, struggling in marriages, struggling in self doubt, in persistence, in obedience, in lack of obedience, in love...... Everything she could pray for, she prayed for. She felt a sense of God's presence illuminating everything that much more. The clarity of her life was so bright that she knew as long as she kept looking forward, she didn't have to question the nay-sayers. She didn't doubt her thoughts, His words, His promises, she knew that His oath to her was the most concrete and cemented thing in her life.
I started picking at the paper straw sleeve that was in front of me tying it in little knots. Looking back up and glancing at future self looking down at my fidgety hands. She smiles and takes a sip of her tea saying, "yes, someone is thinking of you". I pulled tightly on the paper breaking it right on the knot, and then smiling.
Future self and I will have to catch up again so she can tell me the rest of her unwritten story..... My unwritten story. The story that won't ever have an end until God says its time.
Future self and I left off in a coffee shop, she hadn't asked me any questions about relationships, but I willingly offered up the information because that's what was on my heart the most. She sipped on her tea and explained things to me in a logical way about how not to stress out about certain life instances. I tried not to retalliate with myself knowing that it was going to be a constant losing battle. She was right, and deep down I knew I'd be stressing myself out trying to figure out things before anything happened.
Why did she/I have to be right! I hated admitting to this. I hated seeing that being persistent in following after God's heart was my only way. I shouldn't have felt that way because in that, brings ultimate satisfaction in being content. Anything I could offer myself would only cause much pain and distress later.
So future self, I ask, what's new? I'm sure you have a lot going for you.... What things are different in your life that I can look forward to?
A smile curls up on the corner of her lip, the moment that happens, a butterfly swirls about in my stomach. Its been indicated by the flurries that something good is about to be said. She told me that she met someone 7 years ago. She glowed telling me he pursued her like no other. She was initially interested in him, but then her feelings drifted away and she carried on with her life not thinking much of it. She had recognized that she was not going to treat this situation like she had with so many other interests she had in the past. She was not going to pursue him, she was not going to cower away and allow another girl to dictate how she should feel about herself, not even let his lack of interest in her dictate who she was in Christ. She pressed forward in her story and felt compelled to tell me that at first, the start was rough, it didn't come together like she thought relationships would. Like her relationship would. She thought things would start off with this passionate and honest friendship that quickly developed into something more. It didn't. She admitted to wanting to know the end of her story so much so that she rushed the beginning process and then stepping back realizing her story was never going to be like everyone else's.
She placed everything in God's hands. Something she had never done before with her relationships. She had always wanted control of that in her life. Successfully, she began to pursue the importance of her father's love for her. She began praying for any and everything that was laid on her heart. Friends seeking employment, she prayed for steadfastily. Friends looking for roommates, needing more rest, growing in relationships, becoming new mothers, struggling in marriages, struggling in self doubt, in persistence, in obedience, in lack of obedience, in love...... Everything she could pray for, she prayed for. She felt a sense of God's presence illuminating everything that much more. The clarity of her life was so bright that she knew as long as she kept looking forward, she didn't have to question the nay-sayers. She didn't doubt her thoughts, His words, His promises, she knew that His oath to her was the most concrete and cemented thing in her life.
I started picking at the paper straw sleeve that was in front of me tying it in little knots. Looking back up and glancing at future self looking down at my fidgety hands. She smiles and takes a sip of her tea saying, "yes, someone is thinking of you". I pulled tightly on the paper breaking it right on the knot, and then smiling.
Future self and I will have to catch up again so she can tell me the rest of her unwritten story..... My unwritten story. The story that won't ever have an end until God says its time.
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