Single Waiting

The word self in the title used three times in succession is enough to make any person who is not used to being selfish turn into a spiral of confusion. The truth about it all is that we live in a society that glorifies and glamorizes selfishness, and demonizes those who for moments of time; do not look after themselves. Crazy fools we must be! Taking care of others before ourselves can come at a great cost; leveling with ourselves to be more aware of the obstacles we face in turning away from our own awareness can be unsettling. I fear living under the guise of disillusionment and not being able to see others before myself. I shy away from bringing too much attention to myself and I make myself pretty invisible in cases where I feel like I could take up too much space. For instance, in every home I've shared with other people (apart from my own family) I have just barely existed. Not knowing how to ask for things that I want, or asking for what I want and feeling as if I'm ...

When I people watch, I like to observe family dynamics and couples with babies, and young married couples who can't take their eyes off each other. I like when I see the simple transactions between young married couples that reveal things that could be easily overlooked. I was eating breakfast at a cafe and spotted a younger married couple that had come in with a baby carrier that housed their 2 month old. The husband placed the infant on the bench next to where he sat; while the wife got up to make an order. The sun was up and shining, the first day it's been like that since I've paid my visit to the rainy city of Seattle and where the husband was located, the wife had the sun directly beaming into her face. He switched spots with her so that he was now sitting in the sun, and she was in the tiny cove of shade that was provided by the nook. I thought, about how sweet and simple that one moment was, that he cared so sincerely for her and her needs before his own. Wr...

Here I am, almost a full year from the last time I posted and definitely in a different mindset. I'm in my car waiting for the rain to stop as I drive down back streets to start my errands a week before my sisters wedding. Yes, a lot has happened. The happiness I feel for my sister grows exponentially, but the weight I have in being dismissive of my own feelings lingers in the air. A year ago, I was just getting to know a guy who took the time to get to know me and pursued me and it was an amazing thing to experience. The downside is that from time to time, I have an ache in my heart that will not lay still; it stirs up at the most inconvenient moments. I would equate the feeling to the same as having lost one of my childhood friends and not having words to describe the sweet memories, so I would just burst into tears. Dated March 10, 2016 I have no more to add to this but the feelings have subsided. I sent one last birthday present to my birthday twin this year (7.31.2017) I...

...and sometimes it doesn't. My last post was ashamedly 4 months ago. In that amount of time; I have acquired a new position at work and am now working 40 hours a week. My manager thinks I've got the potential of stepping into a management level role in the future. So that's pretty cool. In regards to my personal life, my fun-filled 2 month hang out session ended on a good note. Our birthday wishes were given to one another a couple of weeks ago and I figure that is the door closing. Friendship would be nice, but I will not actively force it if it isn't what the other person wants. I don't know what is in my future in that area. I have thought about it probably as much as I have since I was in high school. It's basically the same story over and over again of me single/friends married, engaged, dating, babies. And I basically don't want to hear anymore pep rally pep talks. I guess at some point it goes from cheering up to patronizing. I've also le...

I can't believe I didn't document this, but then again, I figured I wanted to keep it a little close to me. This single and waiting girl had her first proper date after only being in a new city for a few weeks. It easily could have been a practical joke since it fell on/around April Fool's Day, somehow the joke was not on me this time around. The boy shall remain nameless, but shall be adequately described as appropriately and as accurately as possible. We found ourselves connected through social media which I have cringed at for many a years, and not for lack of trying, but for lack of adequate matches. In this case, we were matched, he asked a lot of questions that didn't seem obtrusive or weird, and I wasn't left wanting to cut all ties with social networking and their matchmaking schemes. He was rather direct, and within a week of us talking back and forth, he stated we seemed to be getting along well and preceded to ask me out on a day date. Ideal situation lea...

Taking the steps to move is sort of a big deal, second in making the decision to move. I knew I wanted to live in a new state, explore more states in fact; and most of that started with a desire to want to visit to Portland, Oregon. I didn't have the stones to just pack my car up and move across country without an idea of what I was going to do, so I made it a priority to find a job that would allow me to be able to transfer to another location without the headache of having no real plans. In comes IKEA, the light at the end of the Swedish Karlskoga tunnel. I started with the company back in 2013, and shortly found out all the amenities they offered. You may not call those amenities, but they have done nothing short of taking care of me as an employee and for that I will always be grateful and continue to put my efforts in being a well-rounded worker for them.  Here are a list of things you should consider doing if you want to take a hop across the pond, a drive across the street, ...