The Romance is Over.
It's been a while since I've posted the likings of a romantic life or whatever you'd call it; but I have since moved back to Florida from Portland as of the end of January this year and the romancing of a new city has finally died.
I can say I've had a lot of adventures as a single woman and have greatly enjoyed them. I've had time to contemplate in the singleness and figure out the areas I wanted to work on in myself that are still works-in-progress.
I also took the time to not pressure myself with certain things in life because there really is no rush on any of it at the end of the day. The Earth still turns, the sun goes down, the moon comes up and vice versa. Life can get ahead of me sometimes, and I need to stop getting so caught up in what I can't control.
Moving back home (deep down I know Florida will always be home) has kind of helped me realize all the things I knew to be important, but it was also a beautiful and painful journey of growing pains that I needed to have on my own to understand how deeply I felt connected to those things that I considered home. The obvious is family and friends, but even moreso, I craved familiarity. Not necessarily being known by my old group of friends, but familiarity of a city that I understood that I didn't feel like I was hopping around in to be understood.
I learned to be unapologetic about the space that I took up and take up. I have for a long time, easily moved out of people's way to not be an obstruction for them in any way putting myself at a disadvantage and crippling my own voice. I stopped just "taking it". I have a mighty roar when I want to use it, and the inner fight came out. I knew more of what I wanted and wouldn't settle for. Relationships were built and grew and some died out like poorly watered plants. Yeah, the friendship drought came and went quite easily, and I had to prepare myself to be okay with those who I could let go and, had to let go; and the ones I would absolutely fight for.
The beauty in learning all of this is I figured out what had me enamored about living in a city like Portland, but realizing later on we weren't ever going to be in a serious relationship, it was all romance. I believe to have been there for a certain time and I won't ever knock that experience; but I believe that my purpose there was to grow, break, and grow again. My roots were getting to tight in the pot and I needed to be replanted, and with that comes a lot of stretching to fill up that pot. I had my fair share of disagreements, tears, lack of sleep, avoidance, confrontation, conflict, resolution, non-resolution, care-free, pain, and joy. All of it has made me far more aware of my emotions and what is worth it all. I am alive and well and able to feel those feelings; not always to place the meaning behind them, but far more resolute in my way of thinking when need be.
I can say I've had a lot of adventures as a single woman and have greatly enjoyed them. I've had time to contemplate in the singleness and figure out the areas I wanted to work on in myself that are still works-in-progress.
I also took the time to not pressure myself with certain things in life because there really is no rush on any of it at the end of the day. The Earth still turns, the sun goes down, the moon comes up and vice versa. Life can get ahead of me sometimes, and I need to stop getting so caught up in what I can't control.
Moving back home (deep down I know Florida will always be home) has kind of helped me realize all the things I knew to be important, but it was also a beautiful and painful journey of growing pains that I needed to have on my own to understand how deeply I felt connected to those things that I considered home. The obvious is family and friends, but even moreso, I craved familiarity. Not necessarily being known by my old group of friends, but familiarity of a city that I understood that I didn't feel like I was hopping around in to be understood.
I learned to be unapologetic about the space that I took up and take up. I have for a long time, easily moved out of people's way to not be an obstruction for them in any way putting myself at a disadvantage and crippling my own voice. I stopped just "taking it". I have a mighty roar when I want to use it, and the inner fight came out. I knew more of what I wanted and wouldn't settle for. Relationships were built and grew and some died out like poorly watered plants. Yeah, the friendship drought came and went quite easily, and I had to prepare myself to be okay with those who I could let go and, had to let go; and the ones I would absolutely fight for.
The beauty in learning all of this is I figured out what had me enamored about living in a city like Portland, but realizing later on we weren't ever going to be in a serious relationship, it was all romance. I believe to have been there for a certain time and I won't ever knock that experience; but I believe that my purpose there was to grow, break, and grow again. My roots were getting to tight in the pot and I needed to be replanted, and with that comes a lot of stretching to fill up that pot. I had my fair share of disagreements, tears, lack of sleep, avoidance, confrontation, conflict, resolution, non-resolution, care-free, pain, and joy. All of it has made me far more aware of my emotions and what is worth it all. I am alive and well and able to feel those feelings; not always to place the meaning behind them, but far more resolute in my way of thinking when need be.
Comments
Post a Comment