Those days when you get the peace that passes all understanding is an astonishing feeling.
Its the the days when you are a regular doubting Thomas. You don't believe that you can be good enough, not even as good as God created you to be for someone else.
I want to get to that point where I don't think I am too good for someone, but just right. I don't want my future spouse to think that they "lucked" out and they scored because "they don't deserve someone like me". I say that because I don't want to be like that, but I still don't think any of us are deserving of the many things God blesses us with.
I am ashamed of myself when I feel like God didn't create me "good enough" for someone. He created me specifically for someone and its been a process that I am still learning.
I will tell you why I've felt this way. Churches, maybe not all churches, but the churches I've grown up in, did not discuss the value of relationships with single people. I used to think I had to measure up to this invisible scale to even be with someone. I thought I had to be a better Christian, a better friend, better student, better at life, just to have a boyfriend.
It is such a screwed up misconception that pierces our hearts into thinking we need to be good enough to attain success. Our society says it to us everyday. Look at the way we treat athletes, and students, and workers. Most of us strive to attain successes in some way because we have a need to feel like that will make us more acceptable to others, our bosses, our teachers, our parents, our coaches. Its a cycle we've weaved for ourselves and it continues because we think that if we aren't attaining those goals, then we've failed somewhere.
I would like to encourage you to start seeing yourself as more than a goal. At this point, when you're trying to reach the success of being a better person just to be in a relationship with someone is essentially placing you in the category of finding failure. If you like someone and they don't receive you in the way you want them to, you start to second guess your goal. Is it the way you look, how you dress, your personality, your family, your friends, your career? No, its none of these. Truth is, its just life. Its something you take with a grain a salt and move on. We build it up thinking that the things we want right now are supposed to be for us, and that isn't how God operates. Or at least that's how I see God not operating. Just as He loves us equally, He has to treat all of us differntly as you would twins, or toddlers, teenagers, and young adults. We don't all react the same way, so don't expect to recieve things in the same way that God has bestowed upon someone else.
I will wind this up because I'm starting to roll into a tangent. Anywho, I hope whomever reads this receives something, because as I was writing it, God just gave me an epiphany of what he's been telling me all along.