Dripping Sunlight

I found an entry from March where I was trying to write down the details of part of my trip. I'm glad I did because it puts me in that very location and it feels like I never even left. I was learning how to deal with being someone's guest, while also being apart of their lives, and pushing aside the feelings of discomfort. I felt like I was getting pulled in many directions and was losing a sense of what I was there for and kind of feeling pushed against a wall to please everyone else.

"I figured it's a good thing I'm not dating anyone while I'm in Italy. While it's a romantic city/country, I know there will still be a ton of cool places we will get to experience together. And while I wish I were on this endeavour with someone I like and want to be with, I needed this short blip of personal independence. Even if I/my everyday habits are beginning to be coddled like an infant.
Currently I'm sitting on a park bench, down a relatively secluded street where more than a few pedestrians walk by eyeing me while I scribble down these thoughts, and another handful of cars and mopeds speed by.
The sun is barely tracing the cold cobble stone roads, but making a special appearance from behind the clouds. The true colours of the buildings are beginning to drip down with the light of the sun. I'm sure they'll retreat behind the concrete curtains soon enough.
I sit here resting my feet. My ill-prepared selection of footwear shouldn't go unnoticed as I walk at a tilt down these uneven streets.
Anyways I am burning time to be out of the house. It is likely to be deemed my unintentional prison. Prison because the four walls are no longer a place of retreat, but of assumed isolation. Four walls that leave the assumption of depression. Four walls of entrapment that only allow the viewing of a beautiful city from a balcony when it's raining.
I very much appreciate alone time and I like empty homes when silence can be truly appreciated.
I should probably be doing a stereotypical devotion right now because it's almost required of me, but I'm hearing God in so many other ways right now.

With that being said, I can no longer prolong the inevitable of my feet dying and how I must make the trip back if even for the sake of a new change of shoes."

I had a rush of emotions this day. Being told that I wasn't doing enough, that I wasn't reaching the "right people" in regards to talking about God. This went on for the next couple of months and I had to be in deep prayer about how God wanted me to go into this heavily cloaked battlefield of evangelism. I had to be more aware of my feelings, and others feelings and really stepping outside of any comfort zones to truly understand where everyone was. I think in the long run it was beneficial for me to have gone through everything I did, but it was not an easy challenge at all.


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