Single Waiting

I know that I don't own you, and perhaps I never will, so my anger when you're with her, I have no right to feel. I know that you don't owe me, and I shouldn't ask for more; I shouldn't feel so let down, all the times when you don't call. What I feel, I shouldn't show you, so when you're around I won't; I know I've no right to feel it- but it doesn't mean I don't. -Lang Leav

I found an entry from March where I was trying to write down the details of part of my trip. I'm glad I did because it puts me in that very location and it feels like I never even left. I was learning how to deal with being someone's guest, while also being apart of their lives, and pushing aside the feelings of discomfort. I felt like I was getting pulled in many directions and was losing a sense of what I was there for and kind of feeling pushed against a wall to please everyone else. "I figured it's a good thing I'm not dating anyone while I'm in Italy. While it's a romantic city/country, I know there will still be a ton of cool places we will get to experience together. And while I wish I were on this endeavour with someone I like and want to be with, I needed this short blip of personal independence. Even if I/my everyday habits are beginning to be coddled like an infant. Currently I'm sitting on a park bench, down a relatively secluded street ...

For once in a very long time I listened to myself. I also listened to God and no one else's opinion. I am going to be doing something tomorrow that would not ever seem out of the ordinary for who I was. I have been listening to too many people for the last year in regards to relationships with guys. Guidance is one thing, opinions are another, and advice is a whole other story. If I'm not careful all three things that are intended to help me, become a detriment to God's clear voice and whether or not I can hear Him through the noise. For most of my middle school and high school life, I was a very opinionated girl when it came to TRUE love. I sat back as friends dated one another, every month, and with each others friends. I was grossed out to say the least. My excitement for any couple usually was with the upperclassmen because I saw more stability in a 6 month- 1 year relationship with them over my own classmates who dated someone in our class or lower grade for a couple o...